A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business! The CEO, walks up the guy and asks “How much money do you make a week?” Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, “I make N20,000 a week. Why?” The CEO then hands the guy N20,000 in cash and screams “Here’s a week’s pay, now GET OUT and don’t come back!” Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks “Anyone know what that slacker did here?” With an uncontrollable grin, one of the other workers mutters “Pizza delivery guy”.
A guy calls his boss and says “I can’t come to work today. The boss asks why and the guy says “It’s my eyes.” “What’s wrong with your eyes?” asks the boss. “I just can’t see myself coming to work, so I’m going fishing instead….”
I need a Raise
Jacob walks into his boss’s office. “Sir, I’ll be straight with you, I know the economy isn’t great, but I have over three companies after me, and I would like to respectfully ask for a raise.” After a few minutes of negotiating the boss finally agrees to a 5% raise, and Jacob happily gets up to leave. “By the way”, asks the boss as Jacob is getting up, “which three companies are after you?” “The electric company, water company, and phone company”, Jacob replied.
Everybody Knows Paul
Paul was bragging to his boss one day. “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.” Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff. “OK, Paul how about Don Jazzy?” Paul replied: “Sure, yes, Don and I are old friends, and I can prove it.” So Paul and his boss went and knock on Don Jazzy’s door and sure enough, Don Jazzy shouts: “Paul! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!” Although impressed, Paul’s boss is still skeptical. After they left Don’s house, he tells Paul that he thinks him knowing Don was just lucky. “No, no, just name anyone else,” Paul says. “President Muhammad Buhari ,” his boss quickly retorts. “Yes,” Paul says, “I know him, let’s fly out to Abuja.” And off they go. At Aso Rock, Buhari spotted Paul on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, ” Paul, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a cup of coffee first and catch up.” Well, the boss is much shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they left Aso Rock he expresses his doubts to Paul, who again implores him to name anyone else. “The Pope,” his boss replied. “Sure!” says Paul. “My guys are from Poland, and I’ve known the Pope a long time.” So off they fly to Rome. Paul and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Paul says, “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.” And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Paul emerged with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Paul returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and he is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss’s side, Paul asks him, “What happened?” His boss looks up and says, “I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said: “Who the hell is that on the balcony with Paul?”