The Family Life Cycle: Attaining Stability


This week, I’d be taking us further in The Family Lifecycle series. Like I mentioned earlier, the experiences we usually encounter in our family life goes through three (3) major cycles: 1. Stability, 2. Bliss and 3. Turbulence. Last week, we examined the place of background in how we go through these phases and how we must handle it if we will ever enjoy true bliss in our family life.

This episode, our attention shifts to The Stability Phase of the family lifecycle. Simply put, stability is a state of mental and psychological firmness as a result of the capacity of the mind to attain harmony. The first occurrence of stability in the family life is at the beginning of the relationship – courtship.

As we enter adulthood, the reality of marriage begins to dawn on us. You may begin a relationship with someone hoping that things will work out well. However, when eventually you make up your mind, your next goal should be to attain stability; otherwise, what you’d have is falsehood.

Characteristics of the Stability Phase

As you go through the stabilization process with your intended, you will notice the following if indeed you are stabilizing:

  1. A deep-seated conviction that you are on the right track.
  2. Things may not be perfect, but your optimism is both unquestionable and consistent.
  3. The two parties are committed to the relationship wholeheartedly, that is 100%.
  4. The purposes of desiring to marry are stronger than the pressures of quitting singlehood or leaving your parents’ house.
  5. Whenever you are alone (especially), you are at peace with your decision.

Factors that may inhibit Stability

Stability can be inhibited when one or both parties are not sincere about the relationship. This could find expressions in the form of:

  1. Infidelity: You are in courtship with someone while still engaging in illicit affairs with another.
  2. Lack of commitment: When the success of the relationship rests mainly on one person, it may just be a sign of falsehood. Should this end in marriage, the trend will have to continue that way.
  3. Lies: This is when people in relationship mend facts just to win the other person’s affection at all costs.
  4. Unpreparedness: Advancement in age is not necessarily a factor when considering readiness for marriage. There are people in their 40’s who do not yet understand the commitment required for a successful family life.

The reality is that we cannot make real progress in any aspect of life maneuvering and cutting corners. If you cannot find bliss in your relationship, it won’t come by default in marriage. Some people have believed a lie that marriage changes people. What a fallacy! People only change to the degree of illumination available to them per time on any subject. If the person does not get some form of enlightenment, change is far. Also, the issues you sweep under the carpet today will confront you tomorrow with a repugnant smell.

Once again, thanks for hanging out with me on my column this week. Do you or someone you know notice signs of falsehood and struggling in your relationship? Do you desire bliss in your family life? You can talk to me.

Let us work together in making an emotionally healthy Africa possible.

Thank you.

Dele Ayo Bankole

He is a Family Systems Engineering Practitioner, a family and behavioral change therapist. He is the Principal Family Strategist at the High-Impact Family Centre. He helps to design unique strategies for wholesome family experience. He can be reached on Phone/WhatsApp (08064980357) and Email, If you have any comments, feedback, questions, or suggestions, he will love to hear from you.





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